Speaking for Myself

It’s my 4th week of consistently attending yoga class, so I’m ready to deeply exhale (get it?) and proclaim that I love it.  It’s not the honeymoon speaking.  The energy, the flowing movement, the message = all resonating at this point in my journey.  At the end of class today, our teacher was talking about honoring our pasts and releasing the parts of the story that no longer serve us.  Of course, this suggestion immediately calls up images of the years I spent obese, plagued by self-doubt and fear, avoiding other people and myself, and missing out on everything life offers.  It is a part of my story that I carry forward only in the ways that bring a message.

I walked out carrying my mat thinking, I wish truly obese women would come to this kind of class.  In my short tenure, I’ve seen a variety of body shapes and sizes, but none as large as I was before my weight loss.  Intellectually, I know there are people with bodies technically classified as obese who participate in yoga (or exercise classes/sports of all kinds), who are not frozen with a sense of detachment from and fear of their bodies.  So what I mean is, I wish *I* would have come to this class years ago.  I wish instead of staying stuck, just existing, waiting for a lightning bolt from the sky to fix my problems, I had just grabbed a mat and come to find the supportive energy of a class like this.

Sometimes I hear myself saying things like, “obese women this” and “obese women that.”  I catch myself when I hear it.  I am not a spokesperson for obese women, nor am I spokesperson for formerly-obese women.  I am a spokesperson for myself, and I strongly suspect  that there are people who benefit from my story.  It’s why Ryan and I wrote Unbelievable Freedom, why we continue to run the Facebook group, and why my role in it all feels like a special calling.

So, speaking as ME:  consider something new.  Trust yourself.  It may not be yoga, but if you are in a rut, consider something that moves you out of inaction.  All the hype is true.